Week 9: The Check Swing

We'd toss a compliment Austin Riley's way, but he'd just drop it and then throw it into the seats. In case you're wondering, the MLB record for errors by a third baseman is 86 by Charlie Hickman of the 1900 Giants.

The commissioners picked up Brad Miller to improve in the rebounding and headband-wearing categories.

1. Tears In Nevin (Rich/Brian, 7-2, 1844.83 points, previously 1): The commissioners had the highest-scoring performance of the week, and they needed every point. TIN came away with a 212.67-211.67 win against The Rookies. The pitching deserves none of the credit, as only Sandy Alcantara reached double digits; the big Marlin brought home 22 points. The offense, however, delivered 160 points — behind 13 homers, 33 RBIs and 26 walks. The leading scorer was Andrew McCutchen (27.5 points), who blasted 3 homers and drove in 8 while forgetting he's not an MVP candidate anymore. Chris Taylor and burly backstop Omar Narvaez each reached the 20-point mark. If you want to nitpick, Max Muncy provided only 5 points before getting hurt, but even scrubs like Brad Miller — no, not the guy who played center for the Sacramento Kings and other NBA teams — chipped in.

2. Project Mayhem (Bill, 6-3, 1697.67 points, previously 2): Bill's team just keeps doing the same thing week after week — putting up a bunch of points and making us wonder how the hell Jesse Winker became this good. In a win against the Arb Losers, Winker homered 4 times (3 in the same game) and drove in 8. That said, he wasn't PM's best hitter in Week 9. That honor goes to Ronald Acuña Jr., who homered twice, stole 5 bases and scored 9 runs. Cheatin' Josh Reddick scored only 6 points, so they must not have trash cans in Arizona. Austin Riley hilariously totaled 3 points despite getting 6 hits; he committed an embarrassing 5 errors. We can't even make a Pedro Alvarez joke because at least Pedro had the decency to leave the yard once in a while. As for the pitching, Trevor Bauer and Yu Darvish weren't at their best, but they still put up some points.

Adam Frazier isn't the first Pittsburgh middle infielder to emerge out of nowhere as a batting-title threat.

3. Lumber Co Lumber (John, 6-3, 1673.5 points, previously 3): We had not 1 but 2 matchups go right down to the wire in Week 9. In this one, LCL lost by a mere 3 points to the Carpet Cleaners. A little more pitching would have put John's crew over the top; his hurlers provided only 33 points while pitching only 17 innings. JT Brubaker didn't pitch, Jake McGee didn't even bother, and dual aces Joe Musgrove and Aaron Nola scored 9 points apiece. At the plate, it was a different story. Juan Soto finally gave us what we've been waiting for, homering 3 times, driving in 9 runs and walking 8 times. He was LCL's leading scorer with 33 points. We're finally ready to give Adam Frazier the respect he deserves — although this breakthrough smells a lot like those of one-hit wonders Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez. Speaking of Pirates, Bryan Reynolds scored 23 points in a good all-around week.

4. Sunshine Carpet Cleaners (Jack, 5-4, 1633.5 points, previously 4): Jack came away with a win in Week 9, no thanks to Taijuan Walker (who posted a measly 1 point) and Jon Gray (who cost SCC 5.67 points before getting hurt). Good thing he had Max Scherzer, Walker Buehler and Josh Hader, who combined for 50.67 by themselves. On the hitting side, SCC got contributions from 12 hitters. Topping the list with 22.5 points was the beardo weirdo himself, Charlie Blackmon. Fernando Tatis Jr. homered twice and committed only 1 error, which feels like a major victory. Kolten Wong had 2 hits — both homers — while driving in 3 and scoring 3 runs, which pretty much sums up the Milwaukee offense these days.

Corbin Burnes has struck out 94 batters in 59.1 innings. Pretty sweet hair, too.

5. The Rookies (Henry, 3-6, 1621 points, previously 7): Henry's bunch had a fantastic week in a win against but fell just short against the commishes. Other than flautist Ian Anderson, the pitching was stellar. Zack Wheeler pitched well but took a loss because Phillies gonna Phillie. Tyler Mahle pitched just as well in a win, and Craig Kimbrel was lights-out in picking up a pair of saves. And Corbin Burnes — good grief, Corbin — posted a 37 with 20 Ks and only 1 run allowed in 13 innings. Leading the offense was Ozzie Albies, who scored 34 points without homering. Lil' Oz drove in 10 runs while doubling 6 times and singling 5 times. James McCann clearly used this blog's mockery as motivation; he scored 22 points by homering 3 times and driving in 9 runs. Dansby Swanson made 2 errors, at least 1 of which led to the fall of the Confederacy. Typical rebel general.

6. The Misfits (Reid, 4-5, 1597.17 points, previously 5): Reid's team put up almost 200 points in a win against JVC. The leading hitter was ... Raimel Tapia? No wait, that can't be right. Hmm, yep, it checks out. The Rockie collected 12 hits — half singles and half doubles — and scored 7 runs. The top pitcher was ... Kyle Hendricks? Oh, come on. The soft-tossing Cub was barely adequate, allowing 6 runs in 12.1 innings, but earned a couple of wins thanks to Chicago's run support. Adam Wainwright scored only 5 points, and Kenley Jansen barely pitched at all. Let's go back to the lineup. Tyler O'Neill homered twice in a 20.5-point week, Mookie Betts started to heat up, Kris Bryant homered twice, and Javy Baez homered 3 times to make up for his 2 errors.

With his first pick in the 2022 FBLG draft, Adam selects ... the guy on the right.

7. Jon Voight's Car (Adam, 3-6, 1575.17 points, previously 6): If you have Jacob deGrom and Marcus Stroman combining for 4 starts in a week, you'd better win. But then No. 2 starter Jack Flaherty gets hurt, closer Alex Reyes blows a save and takes a loss, Dinelson Lamet's papier mache arm still can't get him through 5 innings to earn a win, and only 2 hitters reach double figures. Oof. DeGrom scored 42 points and is reaching Pedro Martinez levels of ridiculousness. Stroman put up 27.67 while going 1-0. Francisco Lindor finally had a good week, putting up 24.5 points. Geez, with all these Mets, it's no wonder Jon Voight's Car is 3-6. How bad was the JVC offense in Week 9? Adam's hitters totaled 3 homers — with 2 of them coming from recent addition Patrick Wisdom.

8. Boogie Oogie Penny Ponies (Matt, 5-4, 1517 points, previously 8): BOPP was our low-scoring team of the week, posting only 155.83 points in a loss to the Bucs. German Marquez was the big scorer, putting up 29 points in a pair of strong outings. Freddy Peralta scored 20.33 in an outstanding start and keeps pitching like an ace. Luis Castillo, who's supposed to be this team's ace, apparently will pitch well only when he's on Matt's bench. Vince Velasquez, meanwhile, averaged 1 point per start in a double-start week. Typical Philly rotation filler. Trea Turner was the top hitter, scoring 17.5 points, which ... isn't great. Position players who failed to reach double digits for Matt include Kyle Schwarber, Manny Machado, Carson Kelly, Ryan McMahon and Mike Yastrzemski.

This was the only time last week that Alex Wood put the ball in the right spot.

9. Clemente's Bucs (Ray, 5-4, 1505.67 points, previously 10): Ray's team cracked the 200-point barrier and is moving up in the rankings. Charlie Morton took advantage of a double-start week and scored 26 points over his 2 wins. Chris Paddack also had that opportunity and failed to take advantage; he scored 8.33 points while going 0-2. Austin Gomber scored 17 points in a win and might finally have landed a spot in a FBLG rotation. See what happens when you find the strike zone? Ketel Marte is healthy now, and he was CB's top hitter with 24.5 points. Annoying sparkplug Tommy Edman was right behind with 19. Christian Yelich and Bryce Harper are back from the IL too, so the Bucs might be poised to keep moving up the list.

10. Arbitration Losers (Tim, 1-8, 1414 points, previously 9): We'd much rather see the Giants in last place than our former commissioner, but here we are. Tim has an impressive roster — and that's just the guys on his disabled list. Taking up space at St. Elsewhere are Stephen Strasburg, Madison Bumgarner, Trevor Story, Joey Votto, Mike Moustakas, Brandon Belt and Michael Conforto. All we need to say about AL's offense this week is that Odubel Herrera was the leading scorer. GULP. On the mound, Blake "Ol' 4 1/3" Snell and Kevin "Cy Young" Gausman posted identical stat lines in 22-point wins. Meanwhile, we've been waiting all season for a San Fran pitcher not named Kazmir to get absolutely tattooed, and Alex Wood finally obliged with a dud that cost his team 4.33 points.