Week 17: The Check Swing

Do you think Starling Marte got a gift basket on his way out of Miami?

Sandy Alcantara's disaster at Coors Field is representative of the state of TIN's pitching staff.

1. Tears In Nevin (Rich/Brian, 10-6-1, 3379.17 points): Since the last time we checked in, the commissioners have gone into a tailspin. They've lost 3 consecutive matchups, barfed up their division lead and allowed everyone to close the gap in the points race. All six of the original TIN starting pitchers have landed on the injured/covid/bereavement/paternity list in the past month, and the result has been apparent. When the only stable part of your pitching staff is Edwin Diaz, you have no chance. Anyway, Team Nevin got smacked around by Project Mayhem in Week 17, with an embarrassing 18.33 pitching points. The staff allowed 20 runs in 20.1 innings, which experts say isn't great. The lineup was fine, with Eduardo Escobar and Freddie Freeman doing the heavy lifting, but the rest of the offense was either taking too many days off (the Dodgers) or just mediocre (everyone else).

2. Sunshine Carpet Cleaners (Jack, 9-8, 3233.5 points): The new guy is coming on strong just in time for the playoffs. The Carpet Cleaners defeated Clemente's Bucs in Week 17 to get back above .500, but more importantly, they closed the gap with our points leaders. C.J. Cron took advantage of some pathetic Miami "pitching" at Coors Field and mashed 4 homers with 16 RBIs during the week. He totaled a robust 41.5 points. Jonathan India finally brought more than just greasy hair to the table; he homered 3 times and scored 28 points. With 6.5 points, Justin Turner was the only Cleaner hitter who failed to reach double figures. Speaking of Dodgers, Max Scherzer and Walker Buehler combined for 45 points to lead the pitching staff, which was without Covid-laden closer Josh Hader.

He looks like he's going to swing in on a chandelier!

3. Lumber Co Lumber (John, 11-6, 3212.5 points): Pittsburgh folk hero Bryan Reynolds -- all folk heroes have terrible facial hair, right? -- did everything he could to lead LCL to victory, but it wasn't meant to be against a hot Misfits team. Reynolds scored 27.5 points to pace the offense, but the rest of the guys didn't pull their weight. Juan Soto and Yadier Molina failed to reach double figures, and Adam Frazier scored only 14.5. That's about half of what he seemed to score every week before the trade to San Diego. Jake Cronenworth and Paul Goldschmidt were pretty good, combining for 30 points. Vladimir Gutierrez led the pitching staff with 16 points and picked up the only victory. Aaron Nola (7 points) got knocked around a little, and JT Brubaker (-1 point) got knocked around a lot.

4. Boogie Oogie Penny Ponies (Matt, 11-6, 3198.83 points): Matt's team, which has been flying up the rankings while your Check Swing bloggers have been away on sabbatical, has the best record in FBLG and looks like it will be the No. 1 seed in the playoffs. Who'd have thought? In Week 17, most of the damage was done by the BOPP pitching staff, which went 4-0. Long-lost Kyle Freeland scored 25 points by picking up a couple of W's, and teammate German Marquez put up 18 in a win of his own. Luis Castillo and Freddy Peralta combined for 30 more points. Mark Melancon had an off week, scoring only 6 points while blowing a save and taking a loss. While Trea Turner was on the Covid list, Kyle Farmer stepped up with 17.5 points -- enough to lead the BOPP offense. For you Giants haters, you'll be pleased to know that Mike Yastrzemski, Matt's only Giant, scored only 7.5 points.

Other than Kyle Farmer, can you think of any catchers who've successfully been converted to shortstop?

5. The Misfits (Reid, 9-8, 3188.83 points): Reid's team did just about everything right in its win against LCL. The pitching staff was outstanding; Julio Urias was the low scorer with his 8-point no-decision. Max Fried posted 33 points across a pair of victories, and Adam Wainwright had a 16-point W. Kyle Hendricks and Kenley Jansen combined for 21 points, as well. The list of Reid's hot hitters is lengthy: Jean Segura (22 points), Kris Bryant (20.5), Josh Bell (20), A.J. Pollock (18.5), Tyler O'Neill (18.5) and Mookie Betts (14.5) all swung toasty bats. Javier Baez was hitting well before truly becoming an LOLMet by getting hurt. He scored 7 points in the week.

6. Project Mayhem (Bill, 10-7, 3070.5 points): Bill's club was the latest to whack the commissioners, and Jesse Winker was a big reason why. The Cincy slugger scored 31.5 points on 9 hits -- 6 of which went for extra bases. Austin Riley and Trent Grisham combined for 39 points to help out, as well. The only weak link in the lineup was Jurickson Profar, who is so far down San Diego's depth chart that he's lost at-bats to Randy Ready. Speaking of weak links, Taylor Megill was a dud in the PM rotation, going 0-2 and allowing 9 runs in 9.2 innings. Carlos Carrasco and Anthony DeSclafani each failed to complete 5 innings, but it didn't matter against TIN. Yu Darvish and Daniel Bard pitched well, combining for 29 points with Bard earning a pair of saves.

We know this is what you're here for: hacky jokes and Randy Ready references.

7. The Rookies (Henry, 7-9-1, 3047.33 points): Henry's team faces some uncertainty as the playoffs approach, but there's no doubting the power of that starting rotation. Zack Wheeler went 2-0 with 38.33 points, and Tyler Mahle won once and totaled 26 points -- but it wasn't enough to get the Rookies past BOPP. Corbin Burnes pitched well in a no-decision and provided 11 points to the cause. Zach Thompson (4 points) didn't help much though, and Craig Kimbrel cost his team 0.33 point and might not get many save opportunities with the White Sox. Brigadier General Dansby J.D. Swanson -- I mean, we just assume his middle names are Jefferson and Davis -- was the only hitter of note, scoring 22 points without homering. The Nos. 2 and 3 point scorers on offense were Cody Bellinger (hitting .175) and Eugenio Suarez (hitting .174), with 12 and 11.5 points, respectively. Hot-and-cold catcher James McCann has gone cold; he scored 5 points in Week 17, so clearly it's time for us to call him out again.

8. Clemente's Bucs (Ray, 9-8, 3019.67 points): Ray's club was pretty much the definition of a one-man team in Week 17. Bryce Harper hit 4 homers, drove in 7 runs and totaled 30.5 points. No one else on the team reached 14 points. So it's no surprise CB fell short against SCC. The left side of Ray's infield was downright Alvarezian, with shortstop Willy Adames committing 2 errors and Alec Bohm committing 3. At least Adames tried to make up for it by homering twice. Charlie Morton, Brandon Woodruff and Kyle Gibson combined to allow only 2 runs in 18 innings, but their offenses let them down. Each finished with 13 points. Closer Brad Hand, who struggled at the end of his Washington tenure, got off to a rocky start in Toronto and totaled 0.33 points for the week.

Damn! Buster Posey is looking OLD!

9. Arbitration Losers (Tim, 4-13, 2869 points): Tim and Adam are going to see plenty of each other in the consolation round, so it's only fitting that they faced off in Week 17 for a Cellar-Dwelling Duel. The result? Maybe the worst blowout in the history of FBLG. The Losers emerged victorious by the score of 240-103. Tim's lineup -- which we often mock as elderly, brittle and bogged down by excessive sourdough consumption -- put up an impressive 154 points on its own. Starling Marte, who seems much happier wearing a uniform that doesn't say "Miami" on it, put up 30 points as a key part of the Oakland lineup. Marte was one of 5 AL hitters who went deep twice; Adam Duvall, Joey Votto, Trevor Story and Nolan Arenado were the others. On the mound, Blake Snell, Madison Bumgarner and Kevin Gausman combined for 80 points across 5 strong starts.

10. Jon Voight's Car (Adam, 4-13, 2788.83 points): In its third consecutive loss, JVC had more errors than homers (3 to 2) and more losses than saves plus wins (2 to 1). The leading scorer was Merrill Kelly with 12 points. We're struggling to find a bright side -- except that the end of the season is right around the corner. We recommend that Adam turn off baseball (even his beloved Angels) and watch Seinfeld reruns for the next couple of months.