Week 11: The Check Swing

Deka made me do The Check Swing this week, but he didn't say I couldn't say mean things. Sorry, Adam Duvall.

Jesus saves! (The ball from ever touching the bat or grass.)

1. Tears In Nevin (Rich/Brian, 7-2-1, 2186.17 points, previously 1): Sometimes you have an ok week and get absolutely lambasted anyway. That happened to the commishes in Week 11, putting up 152 points and losing by 70 to a suddenly-juggernaut BOPP team. Neither offense nor pitching were terribly inspiring, as Freddie Freeman (22) and Andrew McCutchen (16.5) had the only weeks worth writing home about. Also more guys went on the IL, upping the total to 8, and fill-ins like Josh Harrison (3) and Jesus Sanchez (2) didn't help much. Outside of newcomer (and injury fill-in!) Tucker Davidson, the starters gave up 4 earned runs in 20.1 innings and went 0-2. Tucker gave up 5 in 2.1 and didn't even take a loss. Baseball!

2. Project Mayhem (Bill, 7-4, 2035 points, previously 2): Bill's squad had a better week than TIN but the same outcome, falling to the Bucs. (It's a good team there's one baseball team called the Bucs that wins sometimes.) Jon Lester led the pitching staff with 20 points in 2 starts, which is good but also, you know, not great. Trevor Bauer (20) had his usual great start, but Yu Darvish (6) pitched like the other team was using trash cans again. Ronald Acuna (25) did Ronald Acuna things, but like Acuna Lite compared to the rest of the season. Brandon Crawford (22.5) and his stupid hair and stupid face drove in 7 runs, but the rest of the offense didn't do a whole lot.

A lot of "The Guy Your Ex Dated After You" energy here.

3. Sunshine Carpet Cleaners (Jack, 7-4, 2031 points, previously 4): Jack's team had a big week to take down his brother Adam and vault into third place, just 4 points out of second. "Did he at least do it because his team has a bunch of superstars?" you ask, and the answer is LOLnotreally. His superstar, Fernando Tatis (28), amazed with an incredible zero errors! And also hit some homers and whatever. And superstar pitcher Walker Buehler (21.33) took a no-hitter into the 8th against the Dbacks for a superlative one-start week. But the other scorers are what you might call "Guys With Bad Hair and Also CJ Cron." Hey, there's Cron (32) hitting 4 homers! And there's Jonathan India (20) taking a break from his day job in a Florida-Georgia Line cover band to do some hitting! And there's Wade Miley (10) and Josh Hader (10) both being competent while also bringing bad hair to the party. Charlie Blackmon (11.5) and Justin Turner (13.5) reminded us that it's not just bad hair when it's on the top of your head, either.

JT Brubaker's offseason plans.

4. Lumber Co Lumber (John, 7-4, 2002.83 points, previously 3): It's a true testament to how fun/stupid baseball is that John could throw aces Joe Musgrove and Aaron Nola out there last week and watch them combine for like 6 points. And he could also throw Bond villain Vladimir Gutierrez and Molly Hatchet roadie JT Brubaker out there and get 30+ out of them. What a dumb sport. What are we even doing here. John's offense was just enough to get him in the win column against the Rookies, thanks to Paul Goldschmidt (24.5), Jake Cronenworth (22.5), Wil Myers (21.5) and Bryan Reynolds (21). Man, put those four guys together in their street clothes and you could make a TD Ameritrade Commercial. Just imagine all the camo/khaki.

5. The Misfits (Reid, 5-6, 1959.5 points, previously 5): Reid was the tough-luck loser of Week 11, putting up nearly 200 points in a loss to the Giants, er, Arbitration Losers. Raimel Tapia (3.5) had 13 hits, 3 walks, 3 steals, and hair that makes me jealous. The rest of Reid's offense was pretty pedestrian, especially Ol' Blue Eyes Kris Bryant, who managed a measly half-point more than I did last week. The Ageless Wonder - seriously, he's barely younger than Reid - Adam Wainwright had 32 points across 2 starts, and both Max Fried (17) and Kyle Hendricks (18) pitched well in wins.

6. The Rookies (Henry, 3-7-1, 1950.67 points, previously 5): Henry used approximately 75 hitters to try and overcome John's Lumber (not a euphemism), but couldn't quite get the win. Newcomer Steven Duggar (24) and Hey I Think I Remember That Guy Guillermo Heredia (20) led the offense, but a lot of other McKinneys, Rojases, Suarezes, Naquins, Walkers and Uriases swung like Deka on the back nine. Speaking of Deka, fellow Westminster High alum Tyler Mahle (22) was very good, Craig Kimbrel (12) continued to be stellar, and Zack Wheeler (17) looks like a damn Cy Young candidate. But Corbin "Mister" Burnes (7.33) wasn't great, and Ian Anderson (5) pitched about like he plays the flute.

Tommy Edman's shirt, life-sized.

7. Clemente's Bucs (Ray, 7-4, 1870 points, previously 9): You guys remember Patrick Corbin? I had gleefully written him off, as had everyone else except Mrs. Corbin, but apparently he can still pitch when he's facing the likes of Pittsburgh and the Mets. He put up 35.33 in 2 starts to anchor the rotation. Austin Gomber (18) got a win and continues to pitch well. On the hitting side, Ketel Marte returned to his wild hitting ways with 28 points, and Willy Adames (21) realized that it's no longer the World Series, he can make contact with the ball again. Tommy Edman (13) didn't do anything special, but holy crap did he do it with grit and moxie.

8. Jon Voight's Car (Adam, 3-8, 1866.83 points, previously 7): Poor Adam, pummeled by his little brother in the Steel Cage Death Match o' the week. At least it wasn't close? Only Francisco Lindor (18) did much at the plate, as Nick Castellanos (7) and Patrick Wisdom (10.5) slowed down a bit. On the pitching side, Jacob deGrom was awesome! For 3 innings before getting hurt again, but still. Dinelson Lamet (20 in 2 starts) lasted long enough to get a win, which is itself a win, if you catch my drift. But Tyler Anderson (1) brought shame to Ducks fans and Marcus Stroman (10) had a good start interfered with by general Metsiness.

If anyone could pull this off, it's Monaghan.

9. Boogie Oogie Penny Ponies (Matt, 6-5, 1854.33 points, previously 8): The Ponies pounded the crap out of the league-leading commishes and led the league in points in week 11. The pitching was fine, led by possibly resurgent Luis Castillo (22 in 2 starts). But it was the offense doing most of the BOPPing. Kyle Schwarber went off like the buffet was closing, putting up 35 points with 6 homers and 11 RBIs. Manny Machado (28) and Trea Turner (23.5) also had 20+, and Ryan McMahon (18.5), Mike Yastrzemski (17.5) and Rhys Hoskins (16.5) all had milkshakes that brought the boys to the yard. All told: 16 homers, 40 RBIs and 8 errors for the stat sheet-filling Ponies.

10. Arbitration Losers (Tim, 2-9, 1744.17 points, previously 10): I'm so glad Deka asked me to do the Check Swing the week Adam Duvall went berserk and hit every damn ball out of the park. Let me tell you my thoughts about Adam Duvall. F--- Adam Duvall. What a big ol' piece of ex-Giant garbage. Hey, Adam, remember when we drafted you coming off a 31-homer, 37-double, 99-RBI year and you proceeded to hit .195/.274/.365? YEAH WELL I REMEMBER IT TOO. Anyway, with 4 homers and 11 RBIs, Adam's week (30.5) for Tim was better than his whole existence on our 2018 team. I hope the Marlins home run sculpture (RIP) falls on him. Trevor Story (32.5) was also awesome, which is good, because I like that guy. Tim's pitching, which is just the Giants' rotation, was also inexplicably good except for Blake "Pretty Good For 55ish Pitches" Snell, who isn't even a Giant.